I think people that want closeness the most, are the ones who are most afraid of it.

For instance, I find that when people blog, I'm careful about what I comment on, what I say... Who I say it too. I see that on my blog too. The deeply personal blogs have no comments, and the comments they do have are unrelated. I find that people (myself included) get uncomfortable in conversations where the depths of someone is being revealed.

I don't think we were made to be this way. I think we were made to share the deepest parts of ourselves with others comfortably. I think we were supposed to live in a supporting community. No superficiality... all love. I think its difficult to live like this in our society today, but I also think that there's no harm in trying.

I once met a girl who wasn't afraid of confrontation. She asked me things about myself that I didn't know how to answer, that to some people my be considered rude, and that made me uncomfortable. But she loved. We talked for hours and became close instantly. Not only did she ask me about myself but she shared her loves, hates, fears, ambitions, and she wasn't afraid of being hurt by me, or whatever. She was just vulnerable.

I wish all of my relationships could be like that. I wish I could treat my relationship with God like that. I still have this jagged picture of him coming down on me emotionally in my mind. I feel like he judges who I am. I feel like I can't be liked by him. I feel like he's a human parent who I couldn't share my life with to a full extent.

I want to be full again. I think that having this kind of relationship is a big part of it. So... here I go.